Hi Cindy,

I was just about to open up a new email, but I thought I would send you a quick “hello.” Things are “fine” here and the only issue we had with the fires was some heavy smoke which didn’t last too long. I evacuated our two dogs (Jake and Loo) for a time, but not for long. I must say, though, that this unsteady feeling arose within me–and has been there ever since.

I’m sure I don’t have to reach for an explanation in order for you to understand. There is no explanation…it is just a bit of angst (probably some PTSD issues). I’ve been okay…but I’m off center.

In the midst of all of this my husband and I rescued/adopted a new puppy. Following our intuition doesn’t always lead us to logical results. Long story, short…we’ve been considering adding a smaller dog to our “family” for quite some time. We agreed not to do much searching and left it up to the “right dog” to find us!

Well, she did. We met her at the Thousand Oaks dog park. She was wearing a vest that said, “Adopt Me.” She was on the small-dog side of the park which we never pay much attention to…but for some reason, my husband pointed her out.

From the other side of the fence that divided us, I watched as people cuddled and adored her and I eavesdropped on the conversation a bit.

When I learned that those admiring her were not interested in adopting her, I decided to go to that side of the fence. I had to go through a couple of gates out and a couple of gates in.

Someone had set Marlie (the name her previous people gave her) on the ground. I squatted down and she bee-lined it–10 feet or so–to me. She jumped into my arms… and, well the rest is history.

A week later, she was in our custody. She weighs 3-4 pounds and is a very feisty girl! She is also very smart and catching on fast. Jake and Lucy (our bigger dogs) loved her the day she arrived. Now, they seem to be wondering why she hasn’t left yet.

Last night was our first sleepless night since she has been here. Imagine if you will…my husband, me, Jake, Loo, and Marlie all on our queen size bed! Yikes! Marlie could not settle down in her crate, so we brought her up to the bed and the other two decided they were entitled too!

This made me think of something my husband said the night before when he was sitting on the couch cuddling our new little puppy. He said, “I think she might help me with Rowan.” [Rowan is their baby son who died February 1, four and a half years ago several days after he was born.]

I think he meant to say that Marlie’s small size and affectionate ways enabled him to feel as though he was holding the baby son he lost (tears). Well, she is also giving us the sleepless nights we missed out on. Of course we had sleepless nights of grief, but not sleepless nights of a “little one’s needs.”

In addition, we’ve realized that dogs of her size actually NEED those little sweaters when it is cool. So she is also giving us the opportunity to dress a “little one.” This is all so ridiculously bitter-sweet!

Warmly,
Dana

Such a small, simple, little email, but such an enormous message, don’t you think?  As I’ve written before, we don’t just “get over” the loss of a child. We carry that loss with us into the future and we are forever changed. This simple little story, so poignantly told, expresses this fact in such a touching way.

A tiny, little orphan puppy enters the scene and gives purpose and meaning and such a wealth of love. And the beautiful part of all of this is that this puppy hasn’t a clue of what she is doing. She is pure consciousness, Spirit if you will.

This “bitter-sweetness” that Dana is expressing has no words. The experience that people have from a profound loss is in-explainable. I believe that it is so because we have had an experience that touches the universal ONENESS, and there are no words to express this.
The way this experience can be expressed is by telling the story, simply and authentically. I felt it when I first read this and I felt it again when I copied it to this ezine.

I thank Dana for her permission to share this with all of us, and to little Marlie, well, she already just IS.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE? You can, as long as you include this complete tag with it: Grief and Loss Recovery Coach, Cindy Kludt (cindykludt@thesilentloss.com), publishes The Silent Loss weekly ezine. If you are tired of struggling with emotional pain, and are seeking peace and comfort, get your FREE report now at www.TheSilentLoss.com.